Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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