Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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