why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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