you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
