I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
