I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
