I heard we made out
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
