My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
