i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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