a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
