The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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