so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
