At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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