I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
