as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
