Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
