Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
