I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
