You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The ass gains better be worth it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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