do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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