Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We left the knife in your bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
