I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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