Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
