Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
