If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
