im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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