gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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