you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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