I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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