Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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