the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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