You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
