Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
