is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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