i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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