If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
