She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
