Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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