Define "chronic" masturbator.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
