Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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