you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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