saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
