WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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