yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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