pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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