forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
