I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
