I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
