Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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