I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
