The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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