After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
