Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
