Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so much tequila, so little girl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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