Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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