I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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